Snappy Comebacks :-)

Flying-pigYears ago I compiled a list of smart-aleck, sarcastic responses that I loved. Now mind, I would have liked to use each and every one of them, but I never would/did. I found the list back the other day while playing ‘pitch and toss’ (sorting though things to determine whether to keep or toss). They are tame now when compared to what I hear every day from younger people, but I still love them.

Perhaps I came by gathering this collection naturally. My father, who, even when we kids did something REALLY dumb, never made cutting comments (He didn’t have to. Usually a look was enough to make each of us children jump into line and feel like idiot.)

owl1Nor do I remember him ever ‘badmouthing’ anyone. Even when a neighbor stole his brand new winter work coat, Dad’s only comment was, “He must have needed it worse than I did.”  [Again consider those words in the light that: (1) the neighbor was quite well-to-do compared to our family since Dad and Mom worked a small farm and had multiple children, and (2) that coat, considering my parent’s income and expenses was probably a major expenditure.]

After Dad died while sorting the things he had kept over the years, I found a small booklet titled: “Snappy Comebacks”. I doubt Dad ever used any of them, but he still had the booklet after about 50 years.

Just like I still have my own list of “Snappy Comebacks” from more years ago than I care to count. And again, like Dad, I’ve never, nor will I, use them in conversation with someone else. Someday, though, when I can find an opportunity in my writing, each and every one of them will appear. I might even hunt up Dad’s booklet and use some of those!!

A couple of my favorites are: (1) I’m trying to imagine you with a personality, and (2) Does your train of thought have a caboose?

What about you? Any ‘snappy comebacks’ that you liked/loved?

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Tombstone Humor

TombstoneAlthough in my genealogical research I’ve only ever seen one on an actual tombstone (the last one on this list–but w/o the response). There are some fascinating things on old grave markers!

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 Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903–Died 1942. Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.  ===============

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist, all  dressed up and  no  place to go. ===============

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova  Scotia: Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only the good die young.  ===============

In a London, England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767 ===============

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna  Wallace  The children of Israel wanted  bread, and  the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna. ===============

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:  Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon him for not rising. ===============

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:  Here lies the body of  Jonathan Blake, stepped on the gas instead of the brake. ===============

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:  Here lays The Kid, we planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger, but slow on the draw. ===============

A lawyer’s epitaph in England:  Sir John Strange. Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange. ===============

John Penny’s epitaph in  the Wimborne, England, cemetery:  Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny. ===============

In a cemetery in  Hartscombe, England:  On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went  out of tune. ===============

Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:  Here lies the body of our Anna, done to death by a banana. It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low, but the skin of the thing that made her go.  ===============

On a grave from the 1880s  in Nantucket, Massachusetts:  Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there’s only the pod, Pease shelled out and went to God. ===============

In a cemetery in England:  Remember man, as you walk by, as you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so shall you be, remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the  tombstone:

To follow you I’ll not consent, until I know which way you went.

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