Snappy Comebacks :-)

Flying-pigYears ago I compiled a list of smart-aleck, sarcastic responses that I loved. Now mind, I would have liked to use each and every one of them, but I never would/did. I found the list back the other day while playing ‘pitch and toss’ (sorting though things to determine whether to keep or toss). They are tame now when compared to what I hear every day from younger people, but I still love them.

Perhaps I came by gathering this collection naturally. My father, who, even when we kids did something REALLY dumb, never made cutting comments (He didn’t have to. Usually a look was enough to make each of us children jump into line and feel like idiot.)

owl1Nor do I remember him ever ‘badmouthing’ anyone. Even when a neighbor stole his brand new winter work coat, Dad’s only comment was, “He must have needed it worse than I did.”  [Again consider those words in the light that: (1) the neighbor was quite well-to-do compared to our family since Dad and Mom worked a small farm and had multiple children, and (2) that coat, considering my parent’s income and expenses was probably a major expenditure.]

After Dad died while sorting the things he had kept over the years, I found a small booklet titled: “Snappy Comebacks”. I doubt Dad ever used any of them, but he still had the booklet after about 50 years.

Just like I still have my own list of “Snappy Comebacks” from more years ago than I care to count. And again, like Dad, I’ve never, nor will I, use them in conversation with someone else. Someday, though, when I can find an opportunity in my writing, each and every one of them will appear. I might even hunt up Dad’s booklet and use some of those!!

A couple of my favorites are: (1) I’m trying to imagine you with a personality, and (2) Does your train of thought have a caboose?

What about you? Any ‘snappy comebacks’ that you liked/loved?

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Tombstone Humor

TombstoneAlthough in my genealogical research I’ve only ever seen one on an actual tombstone (the last one on this list–but w/o the response). There are some fascinating things on old grave markers!

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 Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903–Died 1942. Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.  ===============

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist, all  dressed up and  no  place to go. ===============

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova  Scotia: Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only the good die young.  ===============

In a London, England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767 ===============

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna  Wallace  The children of Israel wanted  bread, and  the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna. ===============

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:  Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon him for not rising. ===============

In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:  Here lies the body of  Jonathan Blake, stepped on the gas instead of the brake. ===============

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:  Here lays The Kid, we planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger, but slow on the draw. ===============

A lawyer’s epitaph in England:  Sir John Strange. Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange. ===============

John Penny’s epitaph in  the Wimborne, England, cemetery:  Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny. ===============

In a cemetery in  Hartscombe, England:  On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went  out of tune. ===============

Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:  Here lies the body of our Anna, done to death by a banana. It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low, but the skin of the thing that made her go.  ===============

On a grave from the 1880s  in Nantucket, Massachusetts:  Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there’s only the pod, Pease shelled out and went to God. ===============

In a cemetery in England:  Remember man, as you walk by, as you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so shall you be, remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the  tombstone:

To follow you I’ll not consent, until I know which way you went.

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Imperial & Metric System (a bit of fun)

A couple of interesting points of view on the relative merits of the Imperial and Metric forms of measurement. (Parenthetically, did you know that the “USA is the only industrialized nation that does not mainly use the metric system?)  Do watch both – but the 2nd really had me laughing!

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